Don’t take anyone’s advice. Except mine.

He's fed up.

When we had Teno, Tony and I were the first of our friends to have a kid. This spared us a lot of the advice that our other poor friends who are now starting their families undoubtedly receive non-stop. Decisions like should we immunize (we did), should we raise him vegan (we aren’t) and how long should we breastfeed (I gave up, that shit’s hard) were totally and utterly ours. All things considered I think we did a pretty good job and we have a righteous little kid to show for it.

We did, however, get advice from every nosey old lady on the planet, including homeless ones. One warm summer night we were taking a walk around the neighborhood, pushing Teno around in his stroller. We were letting him air out his chubby little feet and this homeless lady goes “You need to put some socks on that baby!”

Without missing a beat Tony snapped, “Oh weird, are you a homeless doctor?”

That shit happened ALL the time with us for the first two years. Some old lady in Target would spot us and say, “You shouldn’t let him have a pacifier, it’ll ruin his teeth.” and then one of us would have to say, “Are you a pediatrician or just a totally nosey old lady?”

“He can’t be a vegetarian, it’ll stunt his growth.”

“Oh my god, is THAT why there are so many midgets in India?”

I’m not suggesting you sass every old broad that gives you crap about your kids (you should) but I am suggesting that unless you’re driving around without a car seat, addicted to drugs, or you’ve named your child after a character from Twilight (on purpose… accidents do happen) then you’re probably doing just fine.

You can read more about my adventures in parenting in this interview my friend Jason just posted!

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