Happy birthday, Teno!

Five is a big deal. Now that Teno is nearly five (March 17th) I can look back to things that happened directly before he was born and say to myself, “Jesus Christ, that was five years ago!” And in turn, I can also think, “Man, I was stupid then.”

All I remember is being petrified that Tony and I made the biggest mistake of our lives. Not that Teno was a mistake, per say, just that we were signing up for something we really had no clue about. As the big day got closer and closer I started listening to Foo Fighters “Miracle” a lot. Again, not because Teno was a miracle, per say – in fact, he came along pretty darn easy. But rather, it was quite miraculous the way this unborn kid was changing me, changing my relationship with Tony, and changing the way I saw the world.

So as I sit here on the very last night during which my kid is four, I’m listening to this song again. It’s bittersweet, as the thing that stands out to me most in these past five years is the fact that I recently lost my dad and that he won’t be at Teno’s party this year. (In fact, we aren’t having one, because I can’t handle it.) But just like my mom made sure I knew so much about my great-grandpa Teno, despite him having passed before I was ever born, that I wanted to name my child after him, I will make sure Teno knows about his Papa and what a sweet, wonderful man he was.

Anyway, dad wouldn’t want me to cry about him on Teno’s birthday. He’d want to watch Teno open presents and make fun of my hippy food. So here’s that old song again…

Crazy but I’m relieved this time
Begging for sweet relief of blessing in disguise
Dying behind these tired eyes
I’ve been losin’ sleep, please come to me tonight

Hands on a miracle, I got my hands on a miracle
Leave it or not, hands on a miracle
And there ain’t no way, let you take it away

Everything that we survived
It’s gonna be alright, just lucky we’re alive
Got no vision I’ve been blind
Searchin’ everywhere, you’re right here in my sights

Hands on a miracle, I got my hands on a miracle
Leave it or not, hands on a miracle
And there ain’t no way, let you take it away

Hands on a miracle, I got my hands on a miracle
Leave it or not, hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
And there ain’t no way, let you take it away

Take it away, take it away

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